SOULTales - Character Strengths, Stories & Vocabulary

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Infant Raj: The Mi(gh)ty rule the world!!

The Mi(gh)ty rule the world!!
You wonder what this all about? It’s a stale subject, more has been written about them, than less. I call it the beginning of the Creased Eyebrow Symptom and the Perpetual Frown Syndrome!!

Yes, it’s about Mommy Dom, it’s about Infant Raj. Feudalism at its best!! Lilliputians rule over the Goliaths in this land of servitude!!

As a mother of two who have passed their toddler hood, anyone would assume I am the epitome of calm , maturity, understanding, and most importantly control…well folks, I can only say this; Reality differs drastically from ones deepest desires…especially where the K word is involved…yes I mean Kids…!!

Lets do a rewind and I’ll take you back to a time when donning that role was uppermost in my mind. (In spite of husband’s dire warnings!). Well, for your information, he came with more than adequate experience on this front, having raised or I should say, having witnessed the raising of six nieces, distributed evenly among his three siblings!!

Babies delight me and I wanted one! But interestingly, no one warns you of the dangers lurking beneath this murky water!

The easiest part got done by me, smooth sailing with a dream pregnancy and delivery. A clear knock out! I was the champion of a tiny little mite.

The excitement was tempered by my queries to the doctor, even on the delivery table. Apgar I asked, birth cry I repeated, I want the baby placed on me (all the reading that I had done must not be wasted isn’t it?). They looked at me askance, we know our job lady, do yours, was the look I was given. Hey, I did the hard work isn’t it? Don’t I get to ask?
Husband placed the reassuring hand on my head and I was wheeled out of the room.

Well the happy story ends here, as my struggles commenced! A mother would claim feeding her baby as the most unique and fulfilling experience in her life. Well here you see one who begs to differ. Theoretically I know it is the most natural thing, theoretically we are programmed to do this, and theoretically we all should be able to get a hang of this.

Theoretical!!
Practically I struggled! Why couldn’t nature simplify this whole thing a wee bit? Why nature couldn’t have given me a calibrated tube to connect with my baby, so that I know how much goes in? Why nature couldn’t have provided for a more transparent and easy means of transferring nutrition to the baby from the mother….oh why couldn’t nature…??
It could, and it did.

Nature has provided the most effective, convenient and hygienic method to transfer nutrition from mother to infant, but it’s us learned folks who can complicate and convolute things further more.

Instructions abound as the already helpless mother sinks into a mire of unknown and indecipherable feelings. Every one pitches in, albeit with good intention. How to hold the baby's head: with pillow says one, no, no; without, says another. Turn her head to this angle is one’s suggestion, turn your body to her angle is another! No bottles say others, but how say I?

Confusion and chaos played havoc in my mind. The apparently pleasant process turned to a procedure. Rules and methodology echoed in my ears as I tried one and then another, and seemingly failed in this simple task.

Emotions play a key role in complicating matters further. The feeling of having this helpless being attached to you for hours together. The feeling of being confined and tied down. The feeling of being solely responsible for the baby’s survival. It is scary and nerve racking. No wonder women go into post postpartum depression!

The mite too has to cooperate, isn’t it? Every one forgets that angle; I thought I was the villain of the show, the incompetent fool! Thousands of mothers were doing this so happily and easily, they actually smiled while breast feeding! Why couldn’t I be that one?!!

But only later, much later, I read somewhere that some infants take learning time to get a hang of this new behavior. To learn to feed on the mother they have to be taught and trained, gently. They are the slow learners, and need patience and perseverance to learn what we think is so natural!

But I think it was I who was the slow learner, who needed some one to train me patiently and gently. To tell me to persevere, not give up!

All mothers make mistakes, especially the first timers, who may be endowed with great zest, but find their intellect confounded by an agitating mind! That’s ok; accept it as stepping stones to success! You’ll get there eventually.

My message is to reach those mommies who having willfully decided to enter the portals of Mommy Dom, to find that things are going against them and thus they are compelled to yell for their mommies!
...Hang in there; you will slowly get a hold on this. You are a mummy too, so don’t think it is only you who makes your child; you have to see that your child is also what she makes of herself.
So don’t take too much on yourself, let go and enjoy!

(These tales are just the beginning of my 1001nights in Mommy Dom. Though I may not be as compellingly creative as Scheherazade, at least I shall try!!)