SOULTales - Character Strengths, Stories & Vocabulary

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Calming Leadership!

I tried something new today

Inspired by a friend who more often than not, questions my parenting style...

So the question here was, how effectively am I modelling anger management to my children, and can I do something else that is Not about losing it and then apologizing and feeling guilty after??

Hmmm...point...yes...I am way better than where I was say about 6 years back, when I could Bark at the drop of a hat (what a cliche...but apt, as my daughter is particularly fond of Dogs and their antics), and be this Sour/Angry person for no apparent reason, other than in all probability spilt milk or milk not yet finished etc...I am sure you have been there and done that too...

So for all of us in this eternal space of learning, here is another insight that I had...

With tremendous help from a book called Quiet Leadership by David Rock, I tried a new tactic...

First, let me narrate the incident, then my paean on the book will follow...

A sure shot trigger for my anger is when any of the 3 musketeers approach me, asking me to search for something...
 I am the eternal searcher, organiser, finder, getter, locator... you got that I am sure
Which Mother is not ( I remember similar scenes being enacted in my house growing up...the only difference being, my mother would sure shot know where the item is located and would pull it out like a magical rabbit from a hat, so thoroughly organised and efficient was she), but you see my point here, not being as organised, nor as efficient and also as I am at the mercy of my super(in)efficient maid, the item of intent is in all probability inserted, stashed, placed or chucked wherever it is deemed right by the aforesaid most helpful helper.

So then what happens?

We search...and it has led us to raise ourselves to such ineptitude that we start hollering/ panicking even before we search, for as you know, by Murphy's Law, that which is being searched for will be done only at the N'th hour, when its presence in our lives is most essential...like when we have an auto to board to leave for school

So also this morning as I was contemplating life's greater mysteries all by myself in that narrow space of time we get to ourselves while communing with nature...I get a panicked holler from without
Amma..... I cant find my book....where is it....
 I took a deep breathe...Ohm...inspite of the unholiness of the ambience in which I chose to say it...I felt calm...calm enough to handle this ( come to think of it, the locked door was of great help too)...

and as mentioned in Quiet Leadership by David Rock, leadership is not about giving answers, it is about asking the right questions...

(I had actually prepared for this moment a while back...having determined that when anyone comes asking me to look for, or search for something, I am going to ask them 5 questions...before i resort to alternatives such as a) actually plunging in and searching for it myself 2)  losing my cool
etc...)

So I asked the first question:
Have you looked for it on your table?...Yes ( comes in a loud voice)
Have you looked for it on the common table...under it? ...Yes ( in an exasperated voice)
Have you looked on your Brothers side of the table?...( No Voice)

Aha...peace...I resume my ablutions


I come out to find, things are looking fine...no one has beaten up the other in their quest...and I actually find out that the missing book has been located , with minimum help from me...


Gosh I feel so empowered today!!


So bring on all your searches I say
I have David Rock and my Dial a Friend option to resolve many and any issues...
Hurrah!!


So get that Book...by David Rock( available as a free downloadable eBook...works wonders)

I am blown over by his methods and techniques...a must read for those who believe Personal Leadership is of utmost importance.







    



Friday, June 22, 2012

Be Happy

Be Happy

I have joined this Theatre group....purely to inflate myself...a total drain on creativity, happiness has forced me to look for a magical space and there it is...

2 wonderful souls, driving a passion train, helping people like me connect with a world that is not competition, judgement, criticism...

My assignment for this week to find moments when I experience Nothingness...I could think of a few...
sleep being one...
moments with loved ones...when we savour our babies...there is an absolute surrender into nothingness...
when I am playing a video game!!)... 

 Turning inwards, within ourselves and finding that peace...that is nothingness as well... happens while meditating...

I still have till next week to explore this Nothingness...

Do you know or have you experienced any?...

hey one more...when I look into the night sky sitting on the beach....staring into that Space...the Nothingness and Oneness....invades my soul...

Monday, June 18, 2012

Soul Space

After some deliberation, I have decided to change my  Blog name
More than stories, I  have shared a part of me; my thoughts

So keeping that spirit alive, here I call it Soul Space

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

From the babes mouth

Some great words uttered

From the babes mouth as they say

Son: I have to do my home work
Me: Ok do it
Son: I know what I have to do, but I dont know what to do
Me: Duh?!!

Me: Got it; you know what homework is to be done; but dont know how to do it?
Son: Yes

Phew got that one sorted out!!

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(Me: very upset with something that happened with daughter in the school,
Me: teary, upset and frustrated)

Me: We need to talk about this, cannot ignore how it must make you feel
Daughter: Amma, not now, I dont want to talk about it. Please go and handle your feelings and then we'll see...
Me: Huh?!!


( Who is the mother here?..I go away rejoicing that her emotional maturity is way better than mine!)

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Sunday, June 3, 2012

Prejudice and Discrimination

I think I have mentioned this before, but methinks it's worth a re-mention now.

My daughter is greatly into pointing out discrimination, prejudice and racial biases to us and to me specifically. Though I would like her to boldly state her thoughts and feelings to all and sundry, I guess she is testing waters here and I happily try to support her views.

Skin colour and advertisements that proclaim instant fairness gets her goat, and mind you; she started this way back when she was 9; and now she is 11. She dislikes these ads and will tell you skin colour is there for a purpose and what does it serve to try and va(r)nish yourself.

Then another conversation about veg/non-veg, and discrimination on religion/ food preferences. She was very cut up that anyone can deny a house on rent because the tenant eats non-veg.

For that matter, the boy/ girl divide is another area she can take her guns out for. Typical stereotype that I am, I do make senseless statements, like the other day I said Guys and Cricket must be some kind of genetic bond; and she was so irritated with my stereotypical statement, reiterating that she too follows cricket quite avidly and I had no right to have such mind sets.

Touche` my Pussy Cat!

Totally love the claws and talons that you draw out...

Ata Girl!