SOULTales - Character Strengths, Stories & Vocabulary

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Calming Leadership!

I tried something new today

Inspired by a friend who more often than not, questions my parenting style...

So the question here was, how effectively am I modelling anger management to my children, and can I do something else that is Not about losing it and then apologizing and feeling guilty after??

Hmmm...point...yes...I am way better than where I was say about 6 years back, when I could Bark at the drop of a hat (what a cliche...but apt, as my daughter is particularly fond of Dogs and their antics), and be this Sour/Angry person for no apparent reason, other than in all probability spilt milk or milk not yet finished etc...I am sure you have been there and done that too...

So for all of us in this eternal space of learning, here is another insight that I had...

With tremendous help from a book called Quiet Leadership by David Rock, I tried a new tactic...

First, let me narrate the incident, then my paean on the book will follow...

A sure shot trigger for my anger is when any of the 3 musketeers approach me, asking me to search for something...
 I am the eternal searcher, organiser, finder, getter, locator... you got that I am sure
Which Mother is not ( I remember similar scenes being enacted in my house growing up...the only difference being, my mother would sure shot know where the item is located and would pull it out like a magical rabbit from a hat, so thoroughly organised and efficient was she), but you see my point here, not being as organised, nor as efficient and also as I am at the mercy of my super(in)efficient maid, the item of intent is in all probability inserted, stashed, placed or chucked wherever it is deemed right by the aforesaid most helpful helper.

So then what happens?

We search...and it has led us to raise ourselves to such ineptitude that we start hollering/ panicking even before we search, for as you know, by Murphy's Law, that which is being searched for will be done only at the N'th hour, when its presence in our lives is most essential...like when we have an auto to board to leave for school

So also this morning as I was contemplating life's greater mysteries all by myself in that narrow space of time we get to ourselves while communing with nature...I get a panicked holler from without
Amma..... I cant find my book....where is it....
 I took a deep breathe...Ohm...inspite of the unholiness of the ambience in which I chose to say it...I felt calm...calm enough to handle this ( come to think of it, the locked door was of great help too)...

and as mentioned in Quiet Leadership by David Rock, leadership is not about giving answers, it is about asking the right questions...

(I had actually prepared for this moment a while back...having determined that when anyone comes asking me to look for, or search for something, I am going to ask them 5 questions...before i resort to alternatives such as a) actually plunging in and searching for it myself 2)  losing my cool
etc...)

So I asked the first question:
Have you looked for it on your table?...Yes ( comes in a loud voice)
Have you looked for it on the common table...under it? ...Yes ( in an exasperated voice)
Have you looked on your Brothers side of the table?...( No Voice)

Aha...peace...I resume my ablutions


I come out to find, things are looking fine...no one has beaten up the other in their quest...and I actually find out that the missing book has been located , with minimum help from me...


Gosh I feel so empowered today!!


So bring on all your searches I say
I have David Rock and my Dial a Friend option to resolve many and any issues...
Hurrah!!


So get that Book...by David Rock( available as a free downloadable eBook...works wonders)

I am blown over by his methods and techniques...a must read for those who believe Personal Leadership is of utmost importance.