The Art of Humour in Forgiveness
I am an Auto Mom. That means I do my bit and leave it at that.I am not the type to record every little footstep, word, profundities that my kids expound. Not that I have anything against those who do that, no offense please. I am actually too lazy and I guess any type of routine bores me quite soon, leaving me to drop it and look for some thing else, more entertaining.( And they say kids have attention deficit!!)
So I started recording what my first born was doing. That lasted about 5 months, then intermittently till she was about 1 year and 3 months. The last I recorded was that she had taken her first few steps....and then it's a blank;...I mean my record book!
She went on to walk, albeit with great many falls and bruises, and also went on to talk, still continues to talk. So much so that she has started complaining to Dad that I don't show any interest in what she has to say any longer. (But sweetheart, you must understand my attention span is very short..poor girl I know I sorely test her many a times!)
Now you see the pattern,I still only talk about my first born, what about the second you may ask. The record folks,(I guiltily admit..please don't judge me by this!) doesn't....exist!!
The second asks me to recall what and when he did his stuff, but truly I can remember my antics of my childhood, but I seem to find have passed his childhood in a blur. What with cooking, feeding, bathing and cleaning the poo and the pee, my memory has not been unable to retain much. The mindless and myriad chores that go into taking care of children has wiped out my intelligence (if I had any to begin with!)
Yet I can't but record some things that now touch me deeply. Two aspects of life that these children have made me aware of.
Forgiveness, Oh, how easily children forgive, forget and move on. It's amazing!!
The adult cannot forget, leave alone forgiving. We bring back old stuff, rake in past muck, and go on and on, reminiscing, regretting or just plain cribbing. But, I don't catch kids doing that. Even if they do crib, it's about something that they don't have now, or a lack thereof. Past has no regrets.
Just a little dose of love on a daily basis, even a meager ration is sufficient for them. No matter how much you scold, rave and rant and harangue them, they move on... providing, you still give them the daily measure of...Love.
They have this immeasurable forgiving attitude towards friends and family. No matter how many times I ask my daughter, are you not angry with me; for scolding you, getting upset with you, etc...and she in her inimitable nonchalant style tells me, and I quote:" It doesn't matter amma..."
3 small words, but with a whole lot of wisdom in it.
How many of us can just move on, leave the regrets and retributions and say those words..."It doesn't matter", and mean it in it's full sense?
It doesn't matter..that you wear spectacles, and cannot wear cool aviator style sunglasses...
It doesn't matter... that you chose to do Zoology over Psychology...and found that you have actually drifted right up the psycho alley...
It doesn't matter... that you are not as assertive as you would like to be, and many times confuse it with plain old stubbornness!
It doesn't matter...
3 small words with a whole lot of wisdom...
But I am learning from my daughter, to say it with meaning! ( But a whole lot of unlearning must be done, before this new understanding will be fully internalized!)
You may wonder who has more maturity between the two of us; don't fret, I wonder too many times, to find I come away lacking...While, her thoughts and views are filled with far more wisdom than I can understand.
Children have an intuitive and deep understanding, especially when they are with adults who need that kind of support. You will be amazed how they rise up to the occasion and give immense support to their parents, especially at times of crisis and conflict...providing they get their daily measure of Love!
(These are the children who grow up to love, cherish and care for their old parents, no matter what. Early experiences of bonding sows the seeds of understanding for the future. )
Humour, is another fact of life with children. Tiny inconsequential things can amuse them. While we walk around with a whole load of stress and worldly worries. They go about laughing at themselves and others, truly enjoying the world for what it is .. a LaLa land!! Comedy and comics are their constant companion!
My offsprings are great gigglers, that is when they are not fighting and pulling each other's hair out, they are giggling and laughing over something. Don't ask me what! It could be the smallest thing. A funny sound, maybe, totally absurd or even mundane events, words, people, anything can and will start them on a giggling spree!!
While I give them puzzled looks, my daughter tries in vain to explain the joke to me, or the humour in the event. Unfortunately, confronted with a humorously challenged person, she can only retreat. Giving up on me, as a lost cause!!
This need for humour runs through most choices in their lives. Take for example her choice of reading material. I wanted her to experience and enjoy the magic of reading Enid Blyton. But those books which gave me pleasure, like The Faraway tree and Secret Seven, does not hold her interest; much to my despair. Tinkle and Suppandi are her staple diet though I am after her to read some thing with greater literary content.
Bingo! Finally I found a book she thoroughly enjoyed...Amelia Jane, which is about a naughty doll in the nursery. No guesses, why she loves this book...it is extremely funny! As she herself puts it, " Amma I like to laugh and I like funny books, better than adventure and mystery". I guess this is where her humorous vein comes from!
If you look at it this way, their way, every thing is worth laughing over,isn't it? All our foibles and follies.
It is this, which has led me to discover that those with greater sense of humour are faster to forgive themselves and others. Humour and forgivess, are two sides of the same coin, not opposites, they are in fact a complement to each other.
That is the secret behind forgiveness, an ability to laugh!!
Maybe I too should chuck all this heavy literature stuff that I am into and start reading Suppandi and joke books. I think this is a novel and unique way to start working on our selves!! The more we are able to laugh, the better we are at forgiving ourselves, and forgiving others.
So as I ponder over these thoughts, I urge you to pick up a good joke book, and giggle over it. Share it with a friend too, it is sure to be great fun as well!!
So I started recording what my first born was doing. That lasted about 5 months, then intermittently till she was about 1 year and 3 months. The last I recorded was that she had taken her first few steps....and then it's a blank;...I mean my record book!
She went on to walk, albeit with great many falls and bruises, and also went on to talk, still continues to talk. So much so that she has started complaining to Dad that I don't show any interest in what she has to say any longer. (But sweetheart, you must understand my attention span is very short..poor girl I know I sorely test her many a times!)
Now you see the pattern,I still only talk about my first born, what about the second you may ask. The record folks,(I guiltily admit..please don't judge me by this!) doesn't....exist!!
The second asks me to recall what and when he did his stuff, but truly I can remember my antics of my childhood, but I seem to find have passed his childhood in a blur. What with cooking, feeding, bathing and cleaning the poo and the pee, my memory has not been unable to retain much. The mindless and myriad chores that go into taking care of children has wiped out my intelligence (if I had any to begin with!)
Yet I can't but record some things that now touch me deeply. Two aspects of life that these children have made me aware of.
Forgiveness, Oh, how easily children forgive, forget and move on. It's amazing!!
The adult cannot forget, leave alone forgiving. We bring back old stuff, rake in past muck, and go on and on, reminiscing, regretting or just plain cribbing. But, I don't catch kids doing that. Even if they do crib, it's about something that they don't have now, or a lack thereof. Past has no regrets.
Just a little dose of love on a daily basis, even a meager ration is sufficient for them. No matter how much you scold, rave and rant and harangue them, they move on... providing, you still give them the daily measure of...Love.
They have this immeasurable forgiving attitude towards friends and family. No matter how many times I ask my daughter, are you not angry with me; for scolding you, getting upset with you, etc...and she in her inimitable nonchalant style tells me, and I quote:" It doesn't matter amma..."
3 small words, but with a whole lot of wisdom in it.
How many of us can just move on, leave the regrets and retributions and say those words..."It doesn't matter", and mean it in it's full sense?
It doesn't matter..that you wear spectacles, and cannot wear cool aviator style sunglasses...
It doesn't matter... that you chose to do Zoology over Psychology...and found that you have actually drifted right up the psycho alley...
It doesn't matter... that you are not as assertive as you would like to be, and many times confuse it with plain old stubbornness!
It doesn't matter...
3 small words with a whole lot of wisdom...
But I am learning from my daughter, to say it with meaning! ( But a whole lot of unlearning must be done, before this new understanding will be fully internalized!)
You may wonder who has more maturity between the two of us; don't fret, I wonder too many times, to find I come away lacking...While, her thoughts and views are filled with far more wisdom than I can understand.
Children have an intuitive and deep understanding, especially when they are with adults who need that kind of support. You will be amazed how they rise up to the occasion and give immense support to their parents, especially at times of crisis and conflict...providing they get their daily measure of Love!
(These are the children who grow up to love, cherish and care for their old parents, no matter what. Early experiences of bonding sows the seeds of understanding for the future. )
Humour, is another fact of life with children. Tiny inconsequential things can amuse them. While we walk around with a whole load of stress and worldly worries. They go about laughing at themselves and others, truly enjoying the world for what it is .. a LaLa land!! Comedy and comics are their constant companion!
My offsprings are great gigglers, that is when they are not fighting and pulling each other's hair out, they are giggling and laughing over something. Don't ask me what! It could be the smallest thing. A funny sound, maybe, totally absurd or even mundane events, words, people, anything can and will start them on a giggling spree!!
While I give them puzzled looks, my daughter tries in vain to explain the joke to me, or the humour in the event. Unfortunately, confronted with a humorously challenged person, she can only retreat. Giving up on me, as a lost cause!!
This need for humour runs through most choices in their lives. Take for example her choice of reading material. I wanted her to experience and enjoy the magic of reading Enid Blyton. But those books which gave me pleasure, like The Faraway tree and Secret Seven, does not hold her interest; much to my despair. Tinkle and Suppandi are her staple diet though I am after her to read some thing with greater literary content.
Bingo! Finally I found a book she thoroughly enjoyed...Amelia Jane, which is about a naughty doll in the nursery. No guesses, why she loves this book...it is extremely funny! As she herself puts it, " Amma I like to laugh and I like funny books, better than adventure and mystery". I guess this is where her humorous vein comes from!
If you look at it this way, their way, every thing is worth laughing over,isn't it? All our foibles and follies.
It is this, which has led me to discover that those with greater sense of humour are faster to forgive themselves and others. Humour and forgivess, are two sides of the same coin, not opposites, they are in fact a complement to each other.
That is the secret behind forgiveness, an ability to laugh!!
Maybe I too should chuck all this heavy literature stuff that I am into and start reading Suppandi and joke books. I think this is a novel and unique way to start working on our selves!! The more we are able to laugh, the better we are at forgiving ourselves, and forgiving others.
So as I ponder over these thoughts, I urge you to pick up a good joke book, and giggle over it. Share it with a friend too, it is sure to be great fun as well!!
very beautifully written.....i really enjoyed reading this.... i too am an intermittent recorder, and have no record books of my only son, though these days, i find myself writing more about him on my blogs!
ReplyDeleteand about the forgiveness part, you have hit the nail on the head,so to speak! wish we could say more often - it doesnt matter!
heres another suggestion, since you are up north, dont miss lotpot (hindi word), a desi version of laural an hardy...spent my summers, devouring them in dozens.
ReplyDeleteHey, I too went down same street.
ReplyDeleteMy younger one wants to know what exciting things she did -and whoosh-the mind's a big blank that no amount of bending will bring forth memories.
Luckily between the grand parents and me, we came up with some interesting stuff :)
***** For your article!