Farewell - storyspace

She did not even know she was pregnant. The sudden bleeding was unusual and coming after an epic trekking expedition; she thought it was the stress and strain that had brought on the out pour. The doctor was doubtful and her leading questions came like a bolt at Sanjana. Now she remembered the skipped days and rued her lack of responsibility.

Having relocated to a new country just 6 months back and learning to adjust was tough enough. What was tougher was the sense of loneliness and isolation that she was experiencing. It had led Prakash to arrange for her to take this trek; so that she could meet new people and also do something she really loved, be one with nature.

Tears poured down her eyes and the Doctor was a bit taken aback at the grief she saw.

“Prakash, I just learnt I have lost our baby”, she sobbed into the phone, not explaining head or tail or what had transpired.

Concerned at the pain she was feeling, Prakash organised for a friend to bring her back home.

“It’s alright Sanjana, perhaps this is for good. We may never know”consoled Prakash.

“But it was my carelessness, I feel it is my fault my daughter is no more”

“Come on, it was just a foetus, not even fully formed. Don’t get so emotional” Prakash rationalised.

“She was my daughter. You don’t understand” said Sanjana with tears still spilling from her eyes.

Unsaid words, unexplored emotions hung between them as an uneasy silence descended upon them as they drifted to sleep. 

The next day Prakash saw Sanjana was up early, had showered and was dressed in a saree. With great trepidation he saw her go to the small pooja alcove where they kept some basic pictures and couple of lamps. Both of them were not too religious and Prakash knew that Sanjana was not too much into rituals too. Yet there she was lighting the lamps. As he moved closer, Prakash saw the Doctor’s report propped up near the alcove.

“What are you doing?” He asked

Sanjana waved the dhoop around three times and touched it to the report. The abdominal scan was lying above with a picture of the foetus vaguely visible.

“I am saying sorry to her for not taking care of myself. I need to give a proper farewell to her” said Sanjana and closed her eyes.

Prakash was stumped. He stood there not knowing what to say or do.

“Here, take this dhoop and say bye to our daughter” Sanjana prodded him.

“This is crazy Sanjana…” Prakash opened his mouth to say more but one look at Sanjana made him stop mid sentence.

The anguish he had seen on her face the day before was gone and there was a gentle calmness there. A firm purposeful set to her jaws and an ocean of love appeared to fill her eyes.

She looked at the report and the scan and gestured towards Prakash. He stepped forward to do as she directed. Sanjana and Prakash apologised to the baby that was to be theirs and for a moment in time they embraced her presence in order to let go of her forever.

***

( Stories are partly owned by the universe which gives rise to the stories and partly to the storyteller who then becomes a vehicle for this story to be told.  )