SOULspace

Feeling Helpless comes easily to me. I am the one standing in front of the ATM machine, frustrated and actually thinking the ATM hates me, because every time I swipe the card, it says…not recognized, insert again!  It’s like a default feeling… There was this time in high school. Its pouring in Chennai, one of those rare events that would make us all run indoors, instead of running out and enjoying it...typical madrasi, (It was still Madras to me, and the jobless Politicians had not yet gone on their name changing frenzy) …and I was returning from school...I could barely see…and had removed my glasses…so partially blind…drenched…walking from the bus stop to my home….I felt a painful grab….yayaaay…I yelled at this guy who had the gall to grab my breasts and just move on…while I stood petrified and helpless…my stomach churning with disgust and revulsion…I turned and walked back home…somehow feeling as if it was my fault… My breasts you see grew faster than I would ha...

   I was introduced to the love of my life way back when I was a young, enthusiastic teacher at a special school. But we rarely met, perhaps once in a while when I chose to, but what with a million things to do and learn and also being deeply involved in teaching special children, I hardly noticed him. Little did I realise he would show up later in my life the way he did!    I got married and believed I had chosen the right guy, well...I also believed terrorism was what you saw in movies and child abuse was something that happened in very depraved societies and not in mine... ...but, to continue on my marriage, something was missing. I felt a void within me, an emotional chasm, and I felt very incomplete.    Meanwhile I started a family and within a span of 4 and half years I had two children! I struggled with my inner emotional void and external world of mundane chores. I felt so tied down, I wanted wings to fly, to dance and swirl and soar in the cl...

Here is a story I crafted for one of my storytelling events...it was well appreciated by the audience... Soft and sooo fair; that was my grandmother’s hands. I could see her blue veins crisscrossing under her thin, translucent, stretched skin, it reminded me of baby rivulets gurgling through some snowy mountains… She was a very fair woman…and She told me  (actually my sister and I ) that when she got married at the age of 13 to my Grandfather who was 17 years old…everyone teased her by saying, he was as dark as kan mai (Kaajal) that it would rub off on her fair, snowy skin! Really they were such a contrast; Black and White! But I am telling you about her Hands, and those hands are what I cherish … Images of her sitting legs stretched, a she watched TV and tied the Jasmine flowers into strings… Images of her as she sat on the floor and made Thiri with soft white, natural cotton, and milk… Images of her as she made us all sit in a row…for Diwali…everyone in...

Are you on that train? Rushing by. Moving so fast  I can scarcely see. The sounds and sights Wooshing by I look on A silent spectator. I strain and stretch To catch glimpses Of you  As it flashes by. I wave, I smile I sigh, I cry I am here but you go there. I know my thoughts But know not yours Where is the time? to stop and share  I too move on On wheels  That seem so slow Almost surreal. Memories and moments roll by me As I pick and choose some to cherish and see We know not  where we meet If we will  It may not be here...or there Or it could well be nowhere

Funny question to ask...but if you know my path you will understand my question. My grandmother and grandfather were deeply religious and ritualistic, as is norm in a typical Brahmin family; and Iyengar to boot, they think they are the true blue Vaishnavaites...royalty even! My father and mother very theistic with an unquestionable, unshakable faith in the Lord. So growing up I was comfortable following their system, but in a half hearted lacklustre way. The obedient clasping hands in the temples or reciting shlokas when asked or prompted. Yet deep within me I was not sure why I was doing it. So I was quite happy to marry an agnostic. (That is perhaps the only point of difference with my partner that I do not mind! But that is another story.) Now having tossed and turned in this ocean of Samsara, I am keenly questioning this word spirituality or spiritualism. Right from the start I dismissed rituals as a fun aspect of the spirituality that I was a seeker of... But who then is...

Life was going pretty smoothly, cruising along, when I was thrown a curve ball. Husband posted to Delhi and I am staying back to look after kids, career and interests.... This is something I wanted..aka..not exactly what I wanted...but..the universe chooses to give you what you want, but you cannot control How you get it. (If you have read Monkey's Paw by WW. Jacobs, you will get the flow of my thoughts and feelings). Last month or a month before that I was telling my Husband; I wished to experience staying alone, being responsible for myself and not happily passing the buck /cup of responsibility to an ever obliging spouse. The Universe decided to do as I said!  I envisioned myself...living alone in a beautiful cottage perhaps on a hill station, working for myself and being completely in charge of myself and my life. (yes, too many movies and books, my imagination is more than a bit over board on such things) Reality is: Government quarters, 2 kids, a car and a maid. ...

My daughter picked up a beautiful book from our library (Thinkbox Library at Vignana Nagar). It is a collection of fairy tales by Hans Christian Anderson. At a time when Grimm's fairytales was popular, H.C.Anderson wrote original fairy tales. This book especially is gorgeous, with a foreword and snippets of personal anecdotes and encounters from his life preceding every tale; it is a must read. It is called Tales of Hans Christian Anderson, translated and Introduced by Naomi Lewis and illustrated by Joel Stewart. The illustrations are exquisite! I have also narrated an unusual story written by him called as the "The lost Collar" which is a delight to tell and of course there are many memorable ones, such as the Little Match girl, The Ugly Duckling and others. Here is a link to his website . Enjoy exploring, imaging, and fantasising...Humans have a special gift! ~ssstoryteller~