Forgiveness - Positive Psychology & Storytelling - Module 8

 Forgiveness:

Video : https://youtu.be/krqvU73vRFo (Links to an external site.)

Story 8 : Crossing the Bridge of Forgiveness

 

 

Story Reflection Task :

1. Draw a river to represent your life. Identify moments when you forgave yourself. Draw a bridge for that moment. (use one colour)
2. Draw a bridge using a different colour for a Person you need to forgive ( there can be more than one), use a different colour for a Situation that requires your forgiving.
3. How many bridges have you drawn, how many more do you think you need to draw?
   

Knowing Forgiveness:

Forgiveness is the conscious act or decision to let go feelings of resentment or vengeance towards an individual or a group that has harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve it or not.

Dr. Robert Enright from the University of Wisconsin-Madison initiated Forgiveness studies and set up the International Forgiveness Institute. He developed a 20-step process for Forgiveness. Now researchers are looking at identifying People who have the trait to forgive. Studies also show that those who were more forgiving, are less likely to suffer from illnesses. In another study at Stanford, it was found that forgiveness can be learned.

Though everyone recommends Forgiveness as a tool to lead a happier life, we find it difficult to practise it. The most important thing to remember is that Forgiveness cannot be forced, and one must be ready to forgive and then adopt ways to do so. 

Experts also clarify that Forgiving does not necessarily mean forgetting or condoning or excusing offenses. Forgiveness is a way to empower, to find healing and to move on from the event or person in order to thrive and flourish.

There are two models of Forgiveness that are effective:

One is the Process model of Forgiving by Dr. Enright and the other is the Dr. Everett Worthington’s REACH Model.  Worthington has published a white paper called Science of Forgiveness in which he gives this model for Forgiveness:

The model starts by asking people to identify the most difficult thing they successfully forgave. Then it walks us through 5 steps. 

R – Recall the Hurt – first acknowledge the hurt that has occurred.

E – Empathize with offender – put yourself in the chair of the offender and speak to yourself

A – Altruistic Gift – think of Forgiveness as a gift you are giving.

C – Commit -write simple notes of forgiveness to self.

H - Hold on to Forgiveness – remember we are in the process of forgiving.

If there is deep trauma, it is important to seek professional help and to take support through such processes.

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Desmond Tutu the Spiritual leader in his book : The Book of Forgiving and There is no Future without Forgiveness shares these quotes on Forgiveness:

“In our own way, we are all broken. Out of that brokenness we hurt others. Forgiveness is the journey we take towards healing the broken parts. It is how we become whole again.”

“Forgiveness is nothing less than the way we heal the world. We heal the world by healing each and every one of our hearts. The process is simple but not easy.” 

He proposes a fourfold path to forgiveness :

• Acknowledge the hurt.
• Tell one's story. 
• Ask for forgiveness and grant forgiveness. 
• Renew or release the relationship.

(4 fold path to Forgiving – The Book of Forgiving -The Fourfold Path to Healing)

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Types of Forgiveness :

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01425/full (Links to an external site.)

( Read the Discussion section on this paper)

This Research paper talks about Decisional and Emotional Forgiveness on Attribution ( how we explain cause of event). We understand from this research that there can be two distinct types of Forgiveness.

One is the Decision to forgive which is a Cognitive statement we make to our self and the other is an Emotional Forgiveness which is "replacing negative feelings with more positive feelings of compassion, empathy and even love towards the offender". This seems quite difficult, but when we look at the REACH Model , where E stands for Empathise with offender, it is clear that only when we emotionally forgive can we see an impact on our well being.

 Many times we are able to take the decision to forgive, but may not emotionally forgive and have thoughts of anger and resentment in us. It is not enough to just decide to forgive, but one must also try to forgive emotionally.

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Self Forgiveness:

Forgiveness, Humility and Gratitude have been been studied quite deeply in Positive psychology. Self Forgiveness has gained some interest in research in the last decade.

"At the level of self, forgiveness helps establish peace with self, others and a divine source." (Noba article)

Research studies on self forgiveness shows that greater self forgiveness is associated with higher self esteem, lower levels of anxiety and depression, better health outcomes, increased coping with stress, and an increased closeness to God and others ( Enright 2001)

A white paper on Forgiveness brought out Templeton Foundation gives an overview of research studies and topics related to Forgiveness :

 (Links to an external site.)https://www.templeton.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Forgiveness_final.pdf

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Self Assess:

To assess ourselves and how we can Forgive Ourselves, The Other and the Situation you can self-assess using this tool: 

The Heartlands Forgiveness Scale is an easy self-scoring scale 

https://digitalcommons.unl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1451&context=psychfacpub (Links to an external site.)

This tool helps us understand how forgiving we are of ourselves, how forgiving we are of others and how forgiving we are of situations beyond our control.

Considering the difficult times, we are in, doing this assessment may help us forgive the pandemic!

The score is for your own knowledge and need not be shared.

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Meditation: 

As we saw above confronting the hurt and letting go the person or building a bridge to heal is the first step towards forgiving and healing. Meditation is a method by which we bring to our awareness one or more aspects and then contemplate on it or just observe it. It is a way to train or focus the mind, train our attention and awareness. Along with Meditation, the concept of Mindfulness is also practised and comes from Buddhist philosophy. This is again a way to relax, slow down and bring to awareness all that is unexamined within us.

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Highlights of this Module:

1) Conscious act of letting go feelings of vengeance towards and individual or group that has harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve it or not

2) Process Model by Dr.Enright and REACH model by Dr.Everett Worthington

3) 4 fold path of Forgiveness by Desmond Tutu

4) Self Forgiveness helps establish peace with self and the divine

5) Heartland's Forgiveness Scale helps understand how we forgive self, others and situations

6) Decisional Forgiveness and Emotional Forgiveness

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Topic Reflection Task :

1. What is the most difficult Situation you have forgiven? Who is the Person you were able to forgive. When and for what did you forgive yourself? Journal about it.
2. Create a Forgiveness Meditation Script – Imagine the person who you need to forgive (could be yourself) – standing on a bridge with you – now articulate all what you wish to say to forgive the other person or yourself.

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Research :

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forgiveness

https://www.templeton.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Forgiveness_final.pdf

Emmons, R. A. (2021). Positive psychology. In R. Biswas-Diener & E. Diener (Eds), Noba textbook series: Psychology. Champaign, IL: DEF publishers. Retrieved from http://noba.to/9z4jf5xe

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01425/full