Why things happen the way they do??

I am really bugged and irritated. Why is it that whenever I expect something I am disappointed?
I believe He gives every one a fair share of negatives and positives. In that I have been given an overdose of tolerance and patience.How I detest being known as the patient one( though this status did change moderately post marriage), that aspect of me (impatience) was reserved for my family to see. So for the general public, I was still the "Patient one".
Can I get it exchanged? Please tell me where I can borrow and internalise some intolerance and kick ass attitude...
I want to scream and shout and yell and hit. Why should I bear stoic face and say that it doesn't matter and there must be a logical valid reason, why? why???
Ok that feels better...
The feeling for all this came from this:
I volunteered to do a puppet show, for the Ladies Club, as it was Navarathri time and I have this nice story on Mahishasuramardhini. So far so good. As the date of the show neared, I fell ill and did not feel upto doing the show, which required some practice with another person. Well, before that I must say that the script had to be translated into Hindi, but I found a willing and capable person for that, who was also willing to give the voice over for that.
We practiced for just 2 days. And I had to get my puppets online too..They were stick puppets and what with our moving and transfer, some puppets were quite damaged and I had to make new ones. Some other puppets I found would be too small for the large stage on which the show was to be done, so I had to enlarge the puppets. Quite a bit of work, but pleasurable, and not too time consuming I must say..

The rehearsal went well and with minor hitches, when the power went off , the Show on the final day also went off very well. Everyone appreciated the uniqueness of the programme...I was elated and floating...after all I tell children, and even when adults enjoy it, it makes one feel great....

The problem is when I went to get the photos, so that I could blog about it...

I couldn't believe that the cameraman had not taken even one snap of the show...??!!
My folly was not having someone take snaps with my camera, I just assumed as this was a show in the unit, I would be able to take the snaps from them.
Why? What Happened? Did the cameraman have a fainting spell and fall down flat when my programme was on, only to recover immediately after and take snaps of every person alive there?? Was he so bored/uninterested/disgusted/apathetic to my show, he could not take pictures of it? What the h*** happened?
I was and am furious.
The feelings that swell from inside me is inexplicable. I may be over reacting. I do and I will, I don't care.
But is this fair?...

The worst feeling in life is when you go with expectation, and it is totally annihilated in a moments turn of events. That is the worst feeling.

I know I rationalized it, calmed myself down, talked to myself, told my husband to give the camera guy a piece of his mind( he is from Hubby's unit).
Yet...a disappointment will be a disappointment..and I feel cheated, after all I wanted a few measly snaps to feel good for myself, and why am I being denied that?...
Sometimes I feel most things happen this way with me...

I know I am feeling sorry for myself, please bear with me...after all where else can I pour my heart out...and indulge myself in a little bit of misery. I can only do it in words, cos my public image demands I be patient and tolerant and mature about such things...

I will get down to the end of this mystery of "The photos that were not taken"...


  1. hi sowmya
    followed you here thru' your comment to my post. I feel we have a lot in common. i also have this image of patient one. all this tolerance is wearing off now. i lose my temper at the drop of a hat.

    That was so sad the photos are not available. Make sure you get them next time. i think you are very talented. i will go thru' other blogs too. till then take care.

  2. You may be wondering who left the above comment. i am chitra from manchitra.wordpress.com ( mom's memoirs). the above is my other site.

  3. Thanks chitra..i need all the empathy:))
    The guy had to be Told to take snaps it seems..otherwise he doesnt ...???..
    I still dont understand the logic, but I will talk to our First lady about it(yes, she is the senior-most officer's wife..Ahem!)

  4. HI Sowmya
    Its so bad about the photos :( We feel bad even if the photos don't turn up well, but not having any photos is too much. I don't understand what kind of guy just stands there and does not take photos? Grrrrrrrrrr. Thank you for dropping in to see Jillu now and then. :) Now, you are also welcome to visit my corner (Lav's corner)

  5. Just a heads up
    most photographers need to be trained in terms of including the audience in the photos - a person telling stories on a stage looks like that whether or not there is an audience there. I usually have a long talk with all video or photo people before the show.

  6. Hey,

    You sound so much like me. Patience is a word that everyone associates with me. I always wish God had passed that streak to someonelse coz being patient has not helped me a bit in life. It means people can use you as a trampling-sounding board to get their things and priorities done, most of the time. I know exactly how you are feeling coz I am going through similar situations and God giftwraps bigger problems and sends them to me with a smile that makes me want to cry and jump off a cliff.

    But you know what? The misery will teach us something about ourselves and others through experiences. With this camera incident for example, you learned something valuable from it that you wouldn't have without that experience. Next time, there is a show, you know what double checks to do, right? That way, God loves us more because he gives us situations to learn from though it hurts us in the process.

    When our kids learn to walk, they fall and get hurt many times. It is a good, effective learning curve for them. These incidents happen often so that we learn from it. It hurts but we don't ever forget what we've learned from it.

  7. I knew, there was bound to be some mystery behind this.
    Now I am waiting for the "The photos that were not taken"...


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